SLIGHTLY ODWAY...

Just to clear something up because maybe I was wrong in saying it. Beck has not left our bible study group. I’m rather confused, but there you have it. I’m sorry for any trouble I may have caused.
Goodo…

Also apologies for the porn site advert in my comments. Haloscan has truly gone to the dogs (that one’s for you Howie).
Chatting to my funny computer illiterate builder today about how depressingly accessible porn is on the internet, and I think I may have unintentionally stirred an interest within him to spread his wings and discover the wide web world. I hope this is not the case.

Anyhew,
I have 5 days left till I’m free from guilt. Yet it’s also 5 days till I’m free from excuses. I like having excuses sometimes. Like I can’t clean my room coz I’m studying… I’m to busy studying to be healthy and stop eating chocolate… I’m too busy with study to go get a hair cut or re-dye my hair… I can’t make dinner coz I’m studying...
Not that I ever make dinner anyway. In 5 days I’ll have to learn how to cook. I’ll have to start cleaning. My fish will like that – it’s been quite a few months since his tank’s been cleaned. I won’t have the excuse to leave my room in a state. I like just throwing my stuff in a pile thinking ‘I’ll do it later’. But there’ll be no more of that in 5 days.
This concept amuses me greatly coz for the last few months I’ve been saying ‘I can’t wait to be able to do this that, and the other and now I’m saying I’m gonna miss this that and the other.
But every silver lining has a cloud…

well good on chris i say!
i realise that he may have done this a long while ago, but i have my excuses...
but hey, maybe we'll see him again in 'the real world'. that would be nice.

what is the world coming to? that seems a silly question though, coz we all know the answer and so it's a stupid question...
but seemingly there are many a thing that aint working quite right in both the blogging/web world and the real world. like i can't read any comments whatsoever - not on my blog or anyone else's. and my hotmail account does not particularly like me right at the mo (although i do enjoy having extra storage room - thankyou hotmail!). my dad's car broke down. the electricians are currently destroying my bedroom. sat in a queue (that doesn't look like the right spelling sorry) of cars waiting for 10minutes th'smorn while road workers stood around leaning on shovels and holding lollypop signs. and i've already eaten 2 chocolate bars already.
i also find it quite strange that a servo in north narrabeen was selling unleaded for 114.9c/L, while the caltex in belrose was selling at 102.9c/L AND i got a 4cent discount... so neeerrrrr to pittwater petrol stations!

i'm so dissappointed that i missed viggo mortensen's birthday last thursday - 'twas the day after courty's, so happy birthday Courty and Viggo!

man i had so much fun with courty yesterday. got to her place at 8:45am to pray for the maths exam, then drove us to the exam. after a lovely 3hr blank-minded caffufle of attempting to remember formulae and how to use them, courty and i shjoomed back to courty's where we sat infront of her tv for 6hrs watching courty's junior ballet concert and old seachange episodes, whilst stuffing ourselves with chocolate, pizza and whatever else we could manage to devour. 'twas good. and the best part is that i don't feel guilty coz i reckon we deserved a vege and chill out session.

i just got a msg from sally irwin saying that bible study would not be on tonight - bugger coz i really like bible study. maybe i'll go to another group's tonight then. hmmm i think i shall. maybe i shalln't though as i would not like to encroach on the community of another group. like if someone not from yr 12 came to our group, it could possibly be quite awkward since there are so many bonds and understandings within our group and we're all going through the hsc together and i dunno. but i like new people, and i love how chez is now gracing us with her presence. shame that leech, scott, ben and kirsty hardly ever come and beck's now decided she doesn't want to come along any more. but i love our group and i love seeing how Jesus has touched each person's lives and how He continues to bless them and work in them. and i love how sally and gavin and james and jess have completely opened their house, time and prayers up for us. it excites me to see a whole family going for God. Like the ives, bannings, freemans and buckleys - i think it's phenominal! it gives me tingles.
to think that a family can give such love, support and encouragement to eachother. i think i'm so blessed that my parents did sent me along to sunday school and that when i was little, and they still support me now even though they don't understand why i get involved in the things i do. even if they do it to keep me out of mischief, i'm still so absolutely thankful that they don't discourage me.
i guess i've always had the attitude that i'm so unfortuned to not have christian parents and i guess a bit envious that i could see so many friends of mine being upheld by their christian parents' prayers and biblical knowledge/encouragement. but hey, i'm alright and i'm surviving in my christian walk, and in a way maybe not having that support has made me stronger. i'm constantly stumbling and my self-control is appauling, but i'm getting there. and maybe the challenge that this has been is actually God's way of preparing me for other things. no actually i'm sure of it.
and it's encouraging that i really do have a family of bros and sis's in Christ that do love me and are praying for me constantly. i'm so astounded by how much st steves has pulled together and blessed the yr12s and others doing hsc this year incredibly. so many people have been sending us messages, cards, emails and whatnot encouraging us and telling that they're praying for us. I just found some messages in my inbox from steve stanis, in which after some funny (or not so funny depending) jokes, contained the encouraging bible verses from:
"The LORD will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." (Isaiah 58:11)
"I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith." (2 Tim. 4:7)

in other news, i think that maybe perhaps i've been chucking a rachel (showing coin slot) for a good hour whilst sitting at this computer in my school library. oops.

i have plenty more to write, but suddenly i've forgotten. maybe later.

i just recieved a forward (and dont we all just love forwards?!) that actually struck a nail. it put forth an idea for how we could reduce the price of petrol once again.because mobil and BP are currently the largest petrol companies in Aust, if noone buys fuel from them, their prices would have to drop, causing the whole market to drop as a result.just a thought...
but enough economic and politic talk for today.

i have so much stuff to say, but it's so hard not to complain!
and that in itself could be classed as a complaint...
i guess i'm just looking for sympathy.
therefore i shall stop before i say anything more.

oh, but yeh, don't get me wrong - i'm fine and God's been doing heaps and it's been amazing so see how much He really does want to bless us.

just caught up on losts of blogs and wow do i feel better for it. much more productive than study. thanx guys
i wish i was in a nothing-to-lose phase like tanya. but no, i seem to have alot of important things that supposedly 'matter' going on...
the funny thing (that's not actually funny at all) is that i don't feel like monday could possibly be that day that i've been dreading for so long. that's less than 2 days away. i am definitely nowhere near ready. i am definitely nowhere near going to get good marks. someone shoot me.
i hate that people have made this out to be some hugely huge thing that determines your whole future. well poo to that i say! i refuse for it to make a difference in my life. that's why i'm going to go to a lovely Christian college like CCC SCA where i don't think i need a very high HSC mark - yay! coz i'm not gonna get a good mark.
and you know what, somehow i don't actually care. i feel really bad though coz i know that heaps of people are expecting these spectacular marks from me, but screw it i say! sorry to my parents and my teachers and my friends out there who've been supporting me all this time and encouraging me to do my absolute best, but i can't and i won't. and i know that. so i want you all to know it too. like yes, sure i'm gonna try heaps hard, but i'm just over it!

i think it's a shame that everyone puts so much pressure on yr 12's doing HSC.
in a way i want to fail just to prove - well... i don't know what to prove actually... maybe to prove that i'm not going to succumb to the authorities and the 'traditional' ways of getting 'ahead in life'. maybe i want to rub it in my parents' faces and put the blame on them for destroying my house while i'm attempting to study... maybe i want to shock people with my dodgey mark just to see their faces. at least if i'm going to disappoint, i may as well disappoint wholeheartedly and laugh about it right? hmmm...

in less HSC-type news, i love the parrot that has suddenly become a member of our family (NOT!). i've called it Norbert, but i should change it to 5:30amSquwarker!!! seriously, this bird has no concept of decency. it just doesn't shut up!
also going fabulously is the renovations. friday morning mum dashes into my room and says "Lauren, quick, i need a hand clearing the bathroom!" to which we rapidly removed all accessories from the bathroom whilst being watched by a builder with a sledgehammer in hand. And i had been going so well with doing past exam papers tha morning, but then after that interruption and when the jackhammering commenced, studying whilst being shaken isn't a very effective combination. oh, and i enjoyed my shower last night in a half demolished bathroom (the only thing left standing was the shower and dripping pipes). i even received 2 cuts on my feet from broken tiles - SCORE! so looking forward to tonight's bathroom adventure.

but Beck and i still ran our small group social yesterday, which consisted of chalk, dress-ups, silly songs and nutella - muchly goodness! i like being crazy with fun kids. oh and i like seeing them attempt to feed eachother with nutella whilst blindfolded - i like messy games.
after cleaning ourselves up and seeing the girls off, beck and i hung out with matt and chris in the cold for a bit until matt and beck left, and then chris left too. but i stayed at church and reconnected with the piano... yes good old piano and i drifted for a while there - not purposely - i just didn't tell piano that i couldn't come over anymore... but now the bond is restored and piano understands that i possibly wont be able to come see him for a few weeks, but that i'd visit soon and we'd make sweet passionate music once more.
not that i'm any good... i just like to dabble.

but i'm thinking it's taken me a good 40 minutes to write this post and i should really get back to the job at hand - i'm hungry and the kettle beckons...
ciao ciao

well during my intensive studying (NOT!), i came across an old post that i'd written in my diary during the trial exams. i thought it was quite amusing.

I like being neat. Messy is yuck. I especially like tidying things when I know I should be studying… Ha! I find that humorous. I like watching the things I do in different emotional situations.
In the early stages of stress, there seems to be this extraordinarily messy phase.
Then as tension rises and anxiety heightens, the work space miraculously becomes tremendously tidy… and work cannot commence if there is an ounce of mess…
Then there will be the aftermath, where exams/stress is caput and so is the any form of housework.
Piles of paper and muck begins to build up for a week until Lauren finally decides she can’t live with the evidence to remind her of the exams, so she gets off her lazy butt and has a pack-up and sort-through…
At this point in time, the intensity of sound emitted from Lauren’s room increases dramatically and much karaoke-style singing can be heard by neighbours…
Also, dress code of the weeks just after the anxiety attack consists of pyjamas and unbrushed hair…
On the realisation that another assessment is soon to be due, Lauren has a sudden freak out and re-group. Room becomes messy and disoriented and the process starts over again.
During the times of stress, Lauren’s appetite and metabolism increases and healthy eating habits become scarce. Chocolate and anything sugary becomes the major food group consumed. Headaches and forgetfulness also kicks in.
During these times, many other exciting events also seem to occur, where Lauren has to decide whether to be a good little nerd or a naughty little rebel. She usually chooses the latter, as she almost convinces/promises herself that she will work hard the next day to make up for the loss of study time.
This promise is generally never kept…

well i'm impressed at how funny i am (well... i was). i'd forgotten how to amuse myself...
and yeh, i guess i should go back to that horrible world of study... ciao ciao

i miss blogging.
the day that i get to blog again shall be a happy day.
there are so many things i've sacrificed for hsc - 1st it was blogging, then social life, keyboard, guitar, sleep, friends...
one day... yes, one day... not too long...