SLIGHTLY ODWAY...

just caught up on losts of blogs and wow do i feel better for it. much more productive than study. thanx guys
i wish i was in a nothing-to-lose phase like tanya. but no, i seem to have alot of important things that supposedly 'matter' going on...
the funny thing (that's not actually funny at all) is that i don't feel like monday could possibly be that day that i've been dreading for so long. that's less than 2 days away. i am definitely nowhere near ready. i am definitely nowhere near going to get good marks. someone shoot me.
i hate that people have made this out to be some hugely huge thing that determines your whole future. well poo to that i say! i refuse for it to make a difference in my life. that's why i'm going to go to a lovely Christian college like CCC SCA where i don't think i need a very high HSC mark - yay! coz i'm not gonna get a good mark.
and you know what, somehow i don't actually care. i feel really bad though coz i know that heaps of people are expecting these spectacular marks from me, but screw it i say! sorry to my parents and my teachers and my friends out there who've been supporting me all this time and encouraging me to do my absolute best, but i can't and i won't. and i know that. so i want you all to know it too. like yes, sure i'm gonna try heaps hard, but i'm just over it!

i think it's a shame that everyone puts so much pressure on yr 12's doing HSC.
in a way i want to fail just to prove - well... i don't know what to prove actually... maybe to prove that i'm not going to succumb to the authorities and the 'traditional' ways of getting 'ahead in life'. maybe i want to rub it in my parents' faces and put the blame on them for destroying my house while i'm attempting to study... maybe i want to shock people with my dodgey mark just to see their faces. at least if i'm going to disappoint, i may as well disappoint wholeheartedly and laugh about it right? hmmm...

in less HSC-type news, i love the parrot that has suddenly become a member of our family (NOT!). i've called it Norbert, but i should change it to 5:30amSquwarker!!! seriously, this bird has no concept of decency. it just doesn't shut up!
also going fabulously is the renovations. friday morning mum dashes into my room and says "Lauren, quick, i need a hand clearing the bathroom!" to which we rapidly removed all accessories from the bathroom whilst being watched by a builder with a sledgehammer in hand. And i had been going so well with doing past exam papers tha morning, but then after that interruption and when the jackhammering commenced, studying whilst being shaken isn't a very effective combination. oh, and i enjoyed my shower last night in a half demolished bathroom (the only thing left standing was the shower and dripping pipes). i even received 2 cuts on my feet from broken tiles - SCORE! so looking forward to tonight's bathroom adventure.

but Beck and i still ran our small group social yesterday, which consisted of chalk, dress-ups, silly songs and nutella - muchly goodness! i like being crazy with fun kids. oh and i like seeing them attempt to feed eachother with nutella whilst blindfolded - i like messy games.
after cleaning ourselves up and seeing the girls off, beck and i hung out with matt and chris in the cold for a bit until matt and beck left, and then chris left too. but i stayed at church and reconnected with the piano... yes good old piano and i drifted for a while there - not purposely - i just didn't tell piano that i couldn't come over anymore... but now the bond is restored and piano understands that i possibly wont be able to come see him for a few weeks, but that i'd visit soon and we'd make sweet passionate music once more.
not that i'm any good... i just like to dabble.

but i'm thinking it's taken me a good 40 minutes to write this post and i should really get back to the job at hand - i'm hungry and the kettle beckons...
ciao ciao