SLIGHTLY ODWAY...

There’s days that you have a million people to call for various reasons, but you have no time to call them.
Then there’s other days that you’ve got noone to call coz there’s no reason to, and that’s all fine.
But then there are these days that you got a million people you wanna call, but it doesn’t seem appropriate or you know that they’re busy, and so you don’t wanna disturb them...

Anyhew, i found this great cd of this dude who works with Jack Johnson. His name's Donavon Frankenreiter. Exactly what i wanted to listen to - very cruisy.

i heard this great quote from a guy called DylanBrown, who was involved with the making of Finding Nemo - "it takes a tremendous amount of effort to create something that looks effortless." well i thought it was encouraging/discouraging, depending on your circumstance.

Yesterday my car broke down. And you know what - i panicked. Thankfully i was at home, so i could refill the oil and all that, but still it refused to work. i ended up getting so frustratedi pretty much flooded the motor completely. i completely missed my meeting with tom, but then the most stupid thing was that by the time my dad got home, my car had calmed down enough to start on the second go, much to my embarrassment and frustration...

I think quite a few people are upset and disappointed with me at the moment. I have been accused of a number of things recently, and it hasn't been my intention to come across the way i must have to some people. Maybe i've been too over-protective or under-protective, depending on the situation.


Really truly i wish i could just say what's on my mind...

well yeh, i'm feelin better and it's not quite as sucky anymore.
i have found purpose.
i have found a job.
i have found reasons.
i have found a more comfortable zone.

i shall survive.

last night liz said smething profound:
no one prepares you for the after-HSC blues...

there is something seriously wrong with me. i shouldn't feel like this. another day of yuck - that's 2 in a row. i'm not saying that my day has been yuck. no, i've had lots of fun being free (yet still constricted to schedules) and hanging out with fun people. it's just that i feel like yuck and i have doubts and things don't seem to flow that way i'd like.
it's strange to have this freedom, yet still be bound by time-frames and limitations. everything seems to revolve around other people's stuff and i guess i'm a bit out of practise.

so hsc is over! but i feel so guilty for not spending my time 'studying' or whatever. there's this empty feeling that now i have no routine and no expectations of myself to fulfill.

tom's hair's growing back. it looks good.
benny c has a bleached mohawk. it's funny. it's also highly embarrassing. especially the fact that he's going to the formal like that. but that's ok - each to their own.

i have decided that i really like the aroma that perfume gives off after a day of wearing. i don't know why i put some on today, but i just did and it's been nice. it makes me feel seemingly special even though i don't actually feel very special... i was about to get rather deep just now, so i'll stop and become nicely surfaced again.

the sun is nice in the afternoon after a morning of rain. i like the way the water makes the road shine like silver. i like the way the droplets on the leaves glisten and sparkle. i like the smell. i like the way the tires can't grip and you skid around the corners - it's good fun...

so far my 'no-oil' diet has been quite unused as today i have successfully devoured a piece of mud chocolate cake, a chocolate bar, some cold chips (they had a one stage been hot), lollies, and 2 twisties (because i craved and caved). yet in a way, this diet has been successful in the fact that i haven't eaten the chocolate donut in my fridge yet and there was a definite option of having another piece of mud chocolate cake but i abstained. yet i fear that i will still have extremely unclear skin for my formal. i'll be like tom's description "I have too many pimples. I am now classified as a pink [wo]man". oh poo...

i'm tired. that's it, i'm just so dam tired.

tom's little drama group are in the church now. they're noisy. i find it funny when kids scream "shut up" - i just love the irony. i think i'll go. goodbye.