SLIGHTLY ODWAY...

well it's been a good experience once again to go on a blogging holiday. contributed to the fact that there's been no time to blog anyway...

i just finished watching the film "momento" (starring guy pearce), which i've been viewing in small bits and pieces whilst in my kitchen this week. man that movie was bizaar, but extraordinary. i don't think i've ever watched a film quite like this one. the story was so clever and the way it was filmed was just ingenious. it really got my head working. if i was doing the hsc again, i'd definitely use that as an English source - heaps complex, symbolic in it's film techniques and some brilliant concepts. aside from the negative outcome and themes, it'd have to be one of the most thought-provoking, enthralling and fascinating films i've watched in my life thus far.
maybe no one else gets this, but if i'm watching a movie and don't get to finish it, for the first hour or so after turning the tv off, i somehow find myself in the same mindset as the main character. yesterday arvo i caught myself almost believing that i had a short memory loss condition - bizaar hey!
like when i was reading the "tomorrow when the war began" series, every now and again when i went bushwalking around duffys forest i sorta believed that the rest of sydney was held captive and helicopters were about to appear over the trees and i would have to hide somewhere and noone knew where i was...
there's something about arts that captivates us and puts us in a place of impressionalism. by this i mean we become easily impressionable by the things arround us - that these things have the ability to change our perception of what's real and what's not...
art takes us somewhere else and challenges our convictions, causing us to make decisions about our ideas and truths. art is a language in which our heart takes over when our head is overcome with riddles and the inability to comprehend. art takes us to a powerful spiritual dimension.
in this film i was taken from my 'everyday lauren' way of thinking, to a place of denial. it was powerful. i was engrossed.
supposedly there is a proven "God-spot" in our brain extremely close to the creative area. when our creativity is activated, it taps into this spiritual section too, causing us humans to enter into and experience a spiritual dimension. i'm intrigued. i want to find out more. as an artist, how can i use this to reach others?

anyway, it was a good movie. go and hire it. or borrow it from the library (i did...)

some days i feel like i'm drowning in a sea of self-pity...
luke h was telling me about how satan loves (i wonder if satan is actually capable of love?) to make us feel miserable and poor. funny coz just over the last coupla days there's been this heavy feeling of wretchedness - that i'm under attack, condemnation, guiltfulness, incompitemency...
i'm sick of this world telling me i'm not good enough. i don't care anymore...

so let's start over again. with good news...
college camp was great - growing new friendships, being encouraged, and God's challenging me and changing my values.
oh and at college today we were sorted into our aural music classes (i had to do a test the other day) and i wasnt put in the lowest class. this is definitely a yay thing because i feel like it could be possible that i'm not out of my depths and i'm meant to be here at a music college where everybody's smart at music stuff - it seems that i'm not the least knowledgeable, which makes me feel better...

just went down to the library and borrowed a stack of cd's. praise God for free legal music.

and i have a mentor as of today! yay!

and i'm excited to see what God does this weekend coz there's heaps happening and i know He's at work heaps and it's been so odd to observe all the random things that have been going on that i know God has had a hand in. there have been tons and tons of strange and obscure circumstances of late that have popped up here there and everywhere, completely out of the ordinary and it's been phenominal and quite bizaar... but very encouraging to witness the Holy Spirit at work in myself and others around me...

goodo. already i feel better. complaining is such an indulgence in our insecurities. i need to remember that more often.