SLIGHTLY ODWAY...

you know when you finally have a second to yourself where you get to think about all the things that have happened over the last few days and you realise that you had been the biggest loser??? looking back at the past 40 hrs and there are some incredibly random, stupid things i've done and said. and it's only now after a few decent hrs of sleep that i've come back to reality and realised that i'm an idiot!
like the stupid things that i bring up in conversations with people i'm trying to gain some respect from... and the irresponsible things i've supported... and the lack of responsibility i've shown full-stop.
'operation miriam' on thursday was brill - half the yr 12s swapped skirts/pants, and because we were all still in 'full school uniform', uniform infrigements were pointless. thursday was great coz we pretty much either wagged class or had class parties (depending on which teachers we had). for my almost perfect record of never wagging a class in my whole life, i made up for it on thursday quite nicely. the most satisfying class was definitely english though. yay! and what made it even better was the fact that we just played handball - a game of no point, just hit the ball and move up/down concrete squares. and that in itself was perfect, coz man did it bring back the stupid childhood memories of yesteryear. yay for the terrey hills crew being the best by far - none of these belrosian pansies could ever compare...
on thursday arvo courty, sally, beck and i trecked to the mall to get our outfits for slaveday. beck, sal and courty had signatures and messages all over their school shirts and i was still wearing the guys uniform, so that made it quite amusing. some random drew a not-so-amusing picture on beck's shirt though. but we bumped into some guys from our school who were looking for their costumes too, so we gave them a hand in buying ladies' underwear (don't ask)...
thursday night went to a bar in the city with chris and his folks to see a family friend play. his band was pretty cool and i had fun. but man, there was this shocking barry white kinda music going on while bands weren't playing. how can people buy those kinda cd's, let alone listen to 'em? appalling... but hey, it was still a fabulous night out i must say.
to courty's i went in the morning, the morning, the morning. to courty's i went in the morning, and oh what fun we did have. getting dressed up like little bees was great fun. we (beck, courty, sally and i) looked fantastic i must say. i was very impressed by our efforts. and we sold for the most out of all the yr 12s and there were only 4 of us! praise the Lord! and we didn't have to show flesh like everyone else - there were a ton of tiny skirts, tiny tops, high-heels, g-strings and cross-dressing prostitutes - quite indecent i must say... but the kids that bought us were tops! i had fun, even though they didn't really get me to do anything for them.
then back to courty's to get ready for the luncheon, which was so bizaar - while all the other girls bawled and wailed, i sat there with dry eyes - it definitely hasn't sunk in that it's all over, that these 13 yrs of schooling have finally ended, that we'll all split up and go our separate ways, that it's all just memories and photos and there's nothing more to come from here. sure there's the formal and exams and random social events, but they're all too random - all routine is shot. i didn't even savour my last signing in moment coz it didn't occur to me at the time that i'd never have to sign in for a 7:30am class ever again...
after luncheon, back to courty's again and then to church and delivering letters and EBN flyers to triple G kids and then to church again. then to the shops and back to courty's, where we watched "something's gotta give" and ate a whole pack of chips each and then this fantastic dinner that mr mccloud made. a group of school friends came over and joined courty and i, and so we looked at photos and played "nightmare" (eek!). then home i went to find that nic had moved out and there was a que for the bathroom so i grabbed my toothbrush and went to bed smelly...
oh man yesterday was hectic, and now i've finished school forever! never again shall i bludge through a biology class, laugh through a pd class, joke through a chemistry lesson, escape from a music 1 class to join the music 2's in another room, argue through a english classor sing/giggle/chatter through a maths lesson... it's all done, caput, finito!

A few weeks ago (or was it months – I got no idea of timeframes any more) I said something about me never really being exposed to porn sites and that kind of propaganda. Well now I have. And I think I could cry. I hate pop-ups! I hate them I hate them I hate them!!!!!! I tried to comment of James’ blog, but was suddenly ambushed and invaded by a ton of disturbing pop-ups, and as I frantically tried to close each of them, more kept coming. Eeeekkkk!!!!

I’m so hopelessly disturbed and disgusted… Why would people watch this stuff? Why would people film this stuff? Why would people publish this stuff on their website?

There are so many things that I could complain about. But then someone mentioned last night in Ernie that complaining is a sin. This is a very very very challenging concept.
Our society not only accepts, but desires and encourages people to complain and criticize everything. We indulge in the misfortunes of others and the lusts, desires and greed of our selfish ambitions.
But where’s the beauty in that? It may seem satisfying at the time, but how can that be a lasting, wholesome, fulfilling feeling? How could negative thinking entice positive feelings? How could dwelling in evil bring abounding good?
I don’t want to complain anymore.
But there’s so much crap in my life, in the way I think, in the things I say, in the people I talk to, in the places I spend so much of my time… It’s so hard!

But last night’s “AIMEE” production was fantastic. And I thought Matt’s talk afterwards was super. I wish my parents could have heard that message. But it wasn’t to be. Their time is gonna come though. Although I did give up all hope last night, it’s back again today. It’s funny how I’ve heard exactly what I needed to know recently to keep me upheld, alright and persistently hopeful. God is so good like that. Even though things get poopy and all your hopes and prayers seem wasted in the moment that it takes to read the fateful words of one single sms, God still loves us, holds us and teaches us exactly what we need to hear to make things alright.

Trust and faith is the hardest things sometimes, but it’s absolutely completely wonderfully amazing to see the outcomes of that hardship. I look forward to the fruits of my prayers. Actually that’s an understatement. That day will be “the bomb” – party!!!

Anyway, the bell’s about to go, but I promise that next blog I’m gonna write about the astounding answered prayers and healing that’s been going on lately.

wow just got an english assignment back that i'd done 2 weeks ago and i got 19/20 and that's amazing coz it's the first time i've passed an english assessment in months...
in other news, i think it's quite amusing that next week for bible study we're discussing 'dating', and sally and gavin (irwin) want us to bring our partners... i have a feeling it's going to to be rather embarrassing and lip-biting... but it's gonna be funny and i'm looking forward to it.
actually, i'm looking forward to anything that comes after friday morning (my music performance exam!!!), coz supposedly there's still life after that fateful 20minutes of stress and nerves...
and there's oaktree at night, which i just found out that lots of people are coming that i'd probably be embarrassed to see there... oh poo. i don't wanna play in stage band anymore. and i don't wanna sing. and i don't wanna be responsible for stuff.
oh buggery!!!!! why can't i just fall asleep for 3 or 4 days and wake up and it'd all be over and i wouldn't have had to go through it???

pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy, pure joy........

pure joy.....

oh poo head bottom ness!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
blogger just deleted the nice long post i just wrote, and now the bell's gone............

Well it’s done! The last assignment of my high school career...
well actually it's not really completely done coz my stupid printer decided that today would be the day that it would die (well yeh i mean yesterday)... so after about an hour of trying to save it all to disk and it being too bigger file and hotmail not even letting me attach it to an email to send to myself. And then finally getting so fed up, i attempted to work out how to burn documents on to cd - i do not find it an appropriate time to discover new things... but i wish i had burnt this dam assignment onto cd in the first place... well now i know what to do. burn baby burn...
so being the paranoid person that i am, i have successfully tested this d: file three times. i'm glad i did coz first-off i tested it and all the pictures came up with that big nasty evil "X". so yeh, it was about that time when the aggression kicked in and my already-seizuring mouse got a good little smacking (in other words, lauren was not a happy chappy)... but i finally was able to uncorrupt a file that had everything on it and so it's all on cd now and i think i can breathe easier. i just hope it all works when i get to school.
and just when i thought healing was on it's way... the tears are so far gone now. my eyes feel like someone's grabbed a chunk of sawdust and blown it in my face and then rubbed it all in...
one day... one day... hopefully soon...
good night my sleeping friends. i wonder how long it will take me to join you all in the land of slumber? i wont be there for long anyway, so what does it matter anyhew? don't you just love 7:30am classes?...

ok so if this post works, then whatever is trying to stop me from blogging is defeated!

it's so amazing the physical and spiritual healing that's been going on in the last few days! there's no better way to describe it than saying that God is truly awesome.

ok dam the bell has gone now, but i have so much exciting stuff to say... to go or not to go? oh the debate of whether to go to class or blog... well i'm sure you guys will forgive me.

2 days, 6 tries and a number of prayers later, (if this works) i think i may have conquered the blogger demon...