SLIGHTLY ODWAY...

well i am feeling rather clumsy today. reminiscing with laura (wendybird) about our physical culture dance club thingy when we were little tikes coz she found an old video of us dancing (well... attempting to dance). it turns out i'm hilariously clumsy and well... let's just say... um... not very good at dancing... :( and i didn't think i was all that bad...
nic's moving out to nan's place during this week, and i wanna go too, but supposedly i'm not allowed coz it would be too much of a disruption to my studies! NEWSFLASH - isn't it more distracting having jackhammers and no water and no washing machine (oh yes, we are deprived of even the washing machine)?! i just don't get my parents at all sometimes... i wonder if my kids will ever say that about me? i'm sure they will. but i wanna move to nan's, and i think it would be better sooner rather than later. something about movinjg to nan's seems rather appealing and extremely exciting. it's not that i'd be particularly closer to belrose, although there is that too, but the thought of living in a very suburban area again gives me butterflies. maybe you people out there wouldn't be able to understand... it's just this strange, exciting, adrenalin-rush feeling. and maybe it sounds like i'm over exaggerating, but it's how i feel and i don't understand it either.
i'm going for a jog with chris tomorrow - how absolutely random. i'm actually a bit nervous coz i'm extremely unfit at the mo since i haven't done any exercise since the start of the year (don't you just love being in year 12) and so i'm gonna feel extremely unco and i'll be perspiring like a pig...
on wednesday i'm going to see the lion king (woo hoo) and then the HSC music performance concert is on at night and i'm feeling rather unprepared and scared... but i like singing and i like the adrenalin of being on stage, but then i hate the feeling that i get near the end of a piece, but it's such a great feeling when it's all over. actually, why do i put myself through such trauma???
my fav quote of the day was discovered when steph peak was hassling mrs cav (english teacher), "i feel as though i learn more when you tell me the answers." if you think about it, it is a resonable statement, but on first glance it is rather amusing...

oh and jade's fly was undone, but it's done up now...

it's official - i hate pop-ups!!!
and i hate satan and how absolutely coniving and cheeky he is.
i just got off the phone to courty where i told her about never actually witnessing porn sites or whatnot, and jumping on the internet, what's the first thing on m screen - some popups saying come to such-and-sucha site and download such-and-such pictures for free...
that really ticks me off!!!

Why does chocolate have to be so dam good? And what makes it so good?
Why am I obsessed with chocolate? Why do I have to fight my addiction?
What is it that makes me feel so naughty when I eat it?
Why is my chocolate supply never a constant flow? Why are there always times of an absolute abundance of chocolate and other times of complete barren-ness?
Why isn’t there anything else that tastes as good as chocolate?
Will there be chocolate in heaven? If so, will it be more perfect than the chocolate on earth?
Hmmmm, I think I noticed some chocolate-covered bickies in the pantry downstairs…

Lauren’s random issues for the night:

• Sleeping is supposedly the greatest act of faith… (Somehow I don’t agree…)
• Not that I’m complaining, but why do we revolve our lives around the opposite sex?
• Not that it’s an issue for me personally at this present time, but why do guy/girl relationships hurt so much sometimes?
• And why is it so hard to give up things that you know aren’t very good, but are really that bad either, but you know God would like you to, but you know that you don’t particularly want to???

well things are goodo i guess. stressful but relatively happy.
the thing that has really got me is not the HSC stuff, but that the builders killed my water system in my house, so we are unable to use any of the cold water taps upstairs. ok so the hot water's still going strong, but this does not help the situation of toilets or showers... yesterday arvo i had a minor stress when i realised this. so now we have to lug buckets of cold water upstairs just to flush the loo...
yet every bad situation has a positive side - because showering would be impossible, it was bathtime for lauren! i haven't had a bath in years. so of course i got out all the bubble-bath thingy-ma-jiggies and whatnot and had a great little time. burnt my feet when i got in (coz i was too lazy to get more buckets of water from downstairs), so had to get redressed and retrieve more cold water. because i was still too lazy, the bath was still pretty must roasting me, but i loved it. i wallowed for quite a hefty while and eventually gave myself a foot massage and facial scrub... *sigh*... wow it was nice to pamper myself. it was nice to be a girly-girl for a change.
last night music 2 had their little performance night, and i was invited along to perform too coz mrs oberg wouldn't be able to accompany me next wednesday when my class is on. wow i am so in awe at my friends' talent!!! i can't believe it. hanging out with chris fish lately has made me feel so amateur. i love playing piano, but really i'm no good... but hey, yeh last night was so inspiring. chris (ives) and cheryll and kylie bailey (my singing teacher) came to see me perf. i didn't do very well, but oh well. i could never compare to the music 2 people...
tonight i'm taking triple G to macquarie ice rink and then chillin out with chris afterwards (ives that is - there are so many chris's that i talk about hey?!). i'm really excited about going crazy with our girls. and then i'm looking forward to chillaxing and watching potentially pirated copies of shrek 2. ha!
my weekend's cut out to be quite musically based. going to a piano lesson with chris tomorrow morn, singing lesson with beck on sunday arvo and hopefully some rehearsals along the way. i think i could almost say that my whole life revolves around music...
beck has just commented to me about matt's blog's 'anonymous comment' - "I love you sexy"... i think she's jealous... who was it? com'on, be honest. we're all family after all right?! is there really a secret admirerer of matt out there? i think it's time to come out of the closet...

ok i started writing a post, but t was all complainy and grumble-bumbles so it's gone now.
i keep on thinking to myself that it will all be better by summertime. no more HSC, no more builders and their jackhammers, no more deadlines, no more responsibility, no more schedules, no more rehearsals, no more need for procrastination, no more sacrifices, no more assignments, no more tensions, no more early starts, no more late nights, no more hollowness...... well for a while anyway.....
i think i'm looking forward to most is falling asleep sunbaking on bilgola beach...

my head is zonked. i like that word. it's fun.
tricking tom is fun too. i like trying to get reactions. today u2 split up - didn't you know? hehe
i'm cruel...

all these other blogging yr 12's hav taken an oath against letting the HSC beat them... to say that i'm fine and that i'm not gonna fail would not honestly reflect my feelings for the present moment in time... by the way people, i never really told you my marks from trials - i failed english (47%) and maths (47%), just scraped a pass in pd (50%) (ha!), got a disappointing mark in music (67%), didn't come last in my chemistry class (63% in theory, 88% in prac), and passed biology (70.25% in theory, 80something% in prac). so there you go! not very good... sorry your prayers weren't put to very good use. but i really did appreciate everyone's support. God kept me sane! and i got to look forward to the nowra weekend away - 'twas brill!
but now things are feeling alot more serious and tension is building... and it doesn't help at all when people say you've got two and a half months to go till it's all done!!! that just makes it more hectic and scary!... and thinking that i start my HSC in 17 days isn't very helpful either...

Oh how devastated am I?! Reading yesterday’s paper th’smorn and found a little article saying Millsy (from Australian Idol) was to be performing at Warringah Mall at 1pm on Sunday! I pondered to myself all the screaming teenage girls that may be there and wondered if I could possibly pull it off... But then reading on a few pages, a more official article said that he was to be performing today (meaning Saturday)! Dam newspaper getting my hopes up and all…
No, I am not being serious…
Don’t you hate that when you go to take a sip of something and you completely miss your mouth – it’s rather embarrassing…
Last night I had fun although I’m completely nackered. Brooky hotel for a yummy dinner with a smaller-than-expected group of church people (poor effort guys!) but I had a nice time. Then trecked to avalon with Liz, Tanya and Carms for a breakthru artz film to be in the party scene, where we attempted to dance and pretended to be cracking onto eachother. For some reason I got paired off with Rob Saunders (sorry Chris. I behaved myself though…), and there was a lot of staged flirting with people. But at leat there were real drinks hehe… And Helen’s house has a gorgeous view of Avie beach and the ocean… But I do have to say – everyone’s energy levels had diminished considerably by the end of the shooting, which I thought was quite amusing (matt and dell had fallen asleep, and jo was well on her way to dreamland). But the partying didn’t end there for Lauren – no siree! Liz, Tanya and I drove back to Liz’s place and hung out, rugged up, watched some olympics, chatted, and eventually fell asleep… I woke up after another strange dream (something about pretending to get with someone for some film…), played squashing Tanya, ate some English muffins and watched some more olympics. Then Nic came and picked me up and here I am, at home, wondering what Ernie’s kindness project will be, whether I should go to church tonight (coz it’s my dad’s b’day and I wanna help make a special dinner for him), trying to work out how I should go about this English assessment and chillaxing to some more Jamie Cullum…
This has been a rather trivial and Lauren-centred post. Sorry. I shall think of something interesting and/or controversial to post later…
I must say, tom’s answering machine prompting message thingy is quite funny and it threw me off and broke my train of thought and I laughed and said some things that didn’t make sense and laughed some more and yes…

jamie cullum is seriously brill! i'm lovin this cd chris - thankyou so so so much! woke up grumpy and sick, but now after a few hours of jazz, i'm feelin so much better... jazz is great! and amuzing friends are even better. and then God tops it all off.
Because i've been asked questions about certain things (thanks Chris), here is some pictures to prove that jamie cullum really does get up on his absolutely beautiful piano:


and to compare the diff between flugelhorn, trumpet, cornet, and piccolo trumpet (show in that order from left to right):
.
actually i woke up th'smorn after a really bizaar dream wishin i could get hold of my old flugel. i miss it.
i wish i could remember my weirdo dream. it was completely hectic and haywire. m head was way too active lastnight/ths'mornin... i don't understand why we have dreams?! it doesn't make sense. why can't we just sleep peacefully without things still running around upstairs? the consolation for this is that i absolutely love watching animals sleeping and twitching when they're dreaming... ha! amusement plus hey?!

well for the sake of making him feel smart, i shall share his smart word:
i can't wait to denuttify after my HSC! in other words, i'm going nuts and stressing and about to cry, and so i'm looking forward to be able to recover my sanity... so there you have it; chris's pearl of wisdom for today...
another interesting question that's been bugging me lately: is satan omnipresent?
my answer would have been a "yes", but of late my theory has changed to a "no". should i explain?

• ok well satan is a fallen angel right? angels aren't omnipresent. therefore satan isn't omnipresent.
• when driving out demons, they leave and then bring back several friends. thus they cannot telepathise to other demons "help, i'm under attack, come quick...". and they cannot ask satan to tell other demons to come help either. they have to physically leave (if that's possible for a demon - spiritual realm and all...) and find some pals and bring them back and then repossess the person. thus, demons aren't omnipresent.
• satan can't hear what we're thinking, and the only way that he knows what's going through our head is outward communication (eg. verbal and physical). in this respect, satan is nothing like God - he's completely weak and pathetic in comparison.

i've run out of things to say for now, but i'll keep you posted (ha! pun) on more relevant rebutals as they arise... feel free to add your own ideas...

so many of my blogs of late have included many a promise that "I'll blog more on that later"... well, i wont. i'm sorry. i'm muchly sad. HSC almost sorta takes priority. well no, it's the guilt of not studying that makes it hard to finish my blogs (let alone gather my thoughts).
does anyone else have a special place where they pretend that they're in a different situation? i do. whenever i'm in the shower, i find myself pretending that i'm having a converstaion with someone or in some dramatic situation - like i pretend to be in a car crash and act out how i would react and what i would say, etc. what would be the last words that come out of my mouth?
actually, about that - what happens if the last thing you said was a swear word coz you were in a freaky situation? if swearing's a sin, then you can't get cleansed of that sin before you die, so do you go to hell unforgiven???

you wouldn't believe where i am blogging from?! HOME!!! it's an amazing, humbling feeling to be able to finally sit down at my puter and "surf the net"! i couldn't cope anymore, so i used my enginuity and attached a chunk of cables and now i can have a play... oh how i've missed it.
ok, my hundred and first blog was actually going to be quite deep, but then of course i had saved it to disk and went on my merry little way to school to post it and upon reaching my destination of the library computers, my disk decided that it would have a spasm and reconfigure all my work... hmmm... but maybe it was a God thing coz the post had been quite controversial, with such topics as reconciliation, demons, skepticism & cynicism and prayer & action... so there you go. maybe God didn't want me to share my opinion on that stuff just yet. maybe the blogging world isn't ready to hear it, or maybe i'm not ready to say it. do you think God does that? i reckon He does. i guess some people would call it fate. or luck...
now i'm quite disappointed that i couldn't publish my extensively long and deep post that i wrote last night after getting home from bible study. it took a hefty while to write i must say. i was quite dedicated. how saddening...
well i still have some quotes that inspired my defaulted post:
"The opposite of cynicism is scepticism."
"The kingdom of God advances through prayer and action."

i just realised that this would be my 100th post. HAPPY 100TH BLOG LAUREN! I guess i'd like to express my appreciation and gratitude to my faithful readers (and anyone else who has the occassional glance)! i couldn't have done it without you...
nah really, i'm getting pretty slack hey? but it's good that i have been able to obstain from the clutches of addictive obsessive compulsive blogging... (as apposed to OCD - obsessive compulsive disorder)...
life is amusing at the mo. once again the agony of throat infections has kicked in, and drugs are fabulous...
bell went, must dash...

honey, i'm home!!!
had a muchly enjoyable, tiring, God-filled, fun-filled, hilarious weekend. too good! nowra was pretty nice (quaint is the word today...), and the guesthouse was great (a mix of creaky, eery and cozy all at the same time...). i don't have time to fill you all in on the goss of what happened just at the moment coz ernie shall be starting in a few minutes, but i'll write a full description at a later date...
nic's home though! i wonder if she's gonna come to church tonight? or will i see her at home. actually, it might be better if i can see her at home coz she'll be swarmed by mobs of people all asking her how europe was and i won't get a chance to catch up... that's all good though.
and guess what - i'm not free of trials just yet! dam! music performance and maths speech and then i'll be all dreamy and floaty and non-stressed...
ok i'll blog sometime later.