SLIGHTLY ODWAY...

oh my goody-woodies! just asked mum if maryanne could come over for dinner and got a look of disbelief, as though i had told her i'd just killed all her plants (she's a gardener/horticulturalist person...). man it's times like that where you just go "bollucks..." so after this creepy stare, mum proceeded to tell me that i should stop galivanting around and wasting my time (how funny that the first thing i did was come up and start blogging - shows dedication to the blogging world) and that i need to get serious about my hsc. well my heart ha just dropped about a metre and i have no idea how i will ever convince them about stuff... :'(
work Your miracles Lord!

ok yeh, i shall do study now. really i will... yeh i will... i must...

ok mel's onto a good thing. thanks mel, the verses were more helpful then you know...
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will." (Romans 12:1-2)
"Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good." (Romans 12:9)
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." (Romans 12:12)

so i'm a bit disappointed with Joss Stone. someone said i'd love her. yeh well no. she's alright, but her music is too vocal for my liking. more instruments are needed and more abstract chordlature. no one beats katie noonan. absolutely no one.
i wish i could have gone and seen TION (the idea of north) last night, but no, ma and pa says no-no's. 20 or so more weeks and i won't be under obligation to be good and come home early at night - can't wait! not that i have been early home at all of late. any i haven't had dinner with the fam for about a week. it was good to have breaky with the folks th'smorn though - i think they may have planned to have their breaky with me... hmmmm, my plotting and coniving parents. i wish i could properly talk to them about how i'm feeling, but they just don't understand what i'm about coz they aren't christians. and i wish i could talk about certain personal things, but i know they'd freak out and say i have too much on my plate this year to take on anything else. they don't know that i'm part of the youth alpha coarse, but it's hard to explain my reasons for doing it to them as they could never understand because they aren't christians. but i'm challenged and encouraged to get them to go to the next alpha coarse (for adults, not youth). i love the line "it would mean alot to me if you went along..." good on tanya's friend for getting her parents along.
i think i short-circutted chris's house last night. rang the door bell and their lights zapped out. ooops.
phil and guin's bible translation thingy was enjoyable last night. good on them i say. i'm glad i know a bit more about what they're doing and why and how and all that. i found that i like idioms... they're like phrases that, when translated into a different language/culture, mean completely different things. eg. in spanish "To another dog with that bone" is equivalent to "You're pulling my leg" in english.
hmmmm, i just found heaps, so her you go:
"To eat beans and belch chicken" - "His bark is mightier than his bite".
"They drink water from the same little jug" - "They're as thick as thieves".
"That's flour from another sack" - "That's a different story".
"His coconut slips" - "He has a screw loose".
"By a little hair of the frog" - "It was a close shave".
"If my aunt had wheels she would be a bicycle" - "If wishes were horses, beggars would ride".
"I have an aunt who plays the guitar" - "What does that have to do with the price of eggs in China?"
"To give the bottle a kiss" - "To take a swig".
idioms are good fun...
i think there was more stuff i had to say but i can't remember...

English class was exciting today as I finally made a breakthrough with Mrs Cavanagh! Yay! Mrs Cavanagh is the german lady at our school that tries to teach English. Only problem is that you have to be able to properly speak/write/understand English to teach it properly. We have our differences, Mrs Cavanagh and I…

Oh and many apologies to ryan and anyone else offended by the pic of the dude with neurofibromatosis. I did not mean for that to be a bag-out post or whatever. I know I wrote “it's bloody disgusting”, but it was aimed at the disease, not the actual person who had contracted the disease. No sir-ee, my comments were not intended for the person, but for the disease itself. Ryan, my assignment was on about the disease, not the person. I have great respect for any persons with horrific diseases...

Wow! Not only did I get mail today, but it was the bestest letter ever. I felt loved. Thankyou Liz – you’re so absolutely beautiful!

this is my take on Spirit-filled speech, which i have been thinking about alot lately (sorry if you read this chris, i know we've already chatted about this kinda stuff):
I believe that the crap of this world cannot contaminate your heart. Your head is easily influenced by worldly stuff, but not your heart. I think that’s the way God’s made us. So when praying, we should be praying from our heart, not our head. In other words, we should speak like Jesus. In this way, I find that when people say “just” or “umm”, they cannot be Spirit-led, because Jesus would never have said anything like “Father God, umm, would you just fill us with Your wonderful presence”. God didn’t make us with “umm” or “just” in our heart. “Umm” is a habit word – you start saying it and it’s so hard to stop. You say umm when you’re gathering your thoughts and working out the best way to say things. For prayer, it isn’t necessary to strategise or beautify our words. I think God would prefer that we’re totally open with our rambling, and I don’t think He minds at all if what you saw doesn’t make sense, because you will have let Him into your heart and I think that’s the most important thing. I really can’t imagine Jesus ever saying “umm”. “Just” really gets to me too. It’s as if you’re downsizing God’s amazing works. “Lord I just pray…” I think that prayer is an incredible gift that God has blessed us with, and I don’t think it’s something that we can say “just” about. It’s like saying “I simply ask for…”. Not good. God’s grace is a lot greater than something to be described as “just”. And we could take “just” in the sense of “justice”, which we don’t deserve anyway, coz we're sinners. Our God isn’t a fair God. We deserve to die, but by His grave we have been saved. Is that just? I don’t think so. Instead of using “just”, I reckon “completely” would be a much more thankful and faithful and hopeful word to use. eg. “Lord would You completely have Your way with my heart”.
There’s also the issue of luck. I don’t believe in luck. Does it say anywhere in the whole bible, anything about luck? I don’t think so. So why do we always say “lucky!” or “Good luck”? I don’t think that’s very Godly. If you believe in luck, how can you believe in God’s purpose and plan. It wasn’t luck that helped you, it was God’s purpose to keep you out of trouble. It upsets me that Christians say to each other “good luck”, coz I think it would be much better to say “bless you”. But this has been made into a tacky cheap phrase that only old folks ever say coz it’s not the ‘cool’ thing to do for youth to say “May the almighty God be with you”. So maybe I’ll lead the youth in our church on a rebellion against the world’s fixation on luck. It’s such a habit though. I always find myself in that situation of about to say “good luck with your exam...” or whatever the situation might be. Scripture passages and verses are great for alternatives though. I think I’ll have to find one I really believe will be the most effective and use it instead…
“I pray that out of His glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit” (Ephesians 3:16).
“Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and your plans will succeed.” (Proverbs 16:3)
More verses to come…
but yeh, i think luck is a word that we, as Christians, need to steer clear of. i find that people (Christians especially!!) always say "good luck " to eachother. i'm excited that maybe people who read this will be challenged and will join me in my 'anti-luck protest'...
i hate how i always say "awesome" - such a habit. funny that i missed 6:30 church where Geoff was talking about how the word "awesome" should be reserved for God alone. i agree totally. i just struggle getting out of habits...

Lord would You help me to reflect You more in the way i speak and think

stick singer

me & vb @ jade's 18th

Well this has been the most full-on two days I’ve had in a very long time. Apologising now for the potentially excessively long post. Last night I made a quick list of the main events – about 20 in total – so it’s gonna be a bit of a ramble. Sorry…

Thursday night I had spent biology assignmenting, and by the time it got to 5am on Friday morn I couldn’t do any more. So I jumped into bed and took ages to get to sleep. So I had got about an hours sleep when my buzzer went off at 6:30am and I had to go to school. Not a good look I must say. But I got the assignment finished by 2pm and handed it in by the end of the day, so God pulled through yet again. I think He likes doing that. I reckon He’s up there chuckling to Himself and saying, “Here she goes again, stressing and asking for My help. I’ll just let her rely on Me completely to pull her out. It’ll be another trust-building exercise. What fun I can have…” He’s a good God. He really truly is.

Got the PD assignment back yesterday too. The day before Miss Montgomery had been saying that the top mark was 98/100, bottom was around 45 and the average was around the 70’s. Oooo, the class was in disarray. Who got the top mark? Hmmmm. So Friday when we got the marks back (I was a bit late to class coz I was doing the bio assignment), disbelief hit when I read that mark. Surely the 98 wasn’t me. So I re-read the mark – yes it said 98. Well it must be someone else’s paper – nope, it certainly was my name “LAUREN S.”… Stoked! It’s cool coz only a few other people close-by in my class knows it was me, but I could almost feel their resentment. Woohoo! I beat Emma Barnes - the PD nerd! So satisfying. Don’t you just love those times when you pour everything you have into one particular thing for an entire week and it just soars! It’s not really that bigger deal I guess, but man it made my day.

And that day really did pick up from there. Small group was brill! We prayed, discussed the study of how to read the bible and the girls were so wonderful. They (with a little help) came up with 3 things to help understand a verse:
1. What did the verse mean to the people back then?
2. What does it mean for me now?
3. How can I apply it to my life?
Our girls are truly blessed. Beck’s wonderful. The animal game is so fun. Our little community is gradually growing. Elizabeth can again! She isn’t a Christian, but I have hopes and dreams for her. I really do feel like God has something good prepared for her. I really really want to encourage her. Note to self – hurry up and go to Koorong to get bibles for Elizabeth and Dominique, and a pocket-sized one for Nic (coz she’s leaving for Europe on Saturday!!!).

Then cruising with Chris to Dayspring Church to the Worship conference. Challenging, encouraging, inspiring, Spirit-filled - my favourite things… Andrew Naylor from CCC Whitehorse (Melbourne) talked about how we can worship God in everything we do and how growing closer to God isn’t a matter of receiving more grace/gifts/love/whatever, it’s about giving up the crap that we like to cling to on Earth. Sure, we’ve all heard people talk about storing up treasures in Heaven, rather than on Earth (Matt 6:19-20), and that God’s love for each one of us couldn’t be any greater than it already is. Yes, these are great things, but I think they’ve been heard so many times that it almost loses its intended meaning. Andrew really refreshed that in me. I’m inspired to read a Psalm and a Proverb everyday. Much to be learned even if you’d read the same passage a hundred times. Hmmm, we should be able to get something new and amazing every time we read a verse. But I also think that, although the bible is a means to learning God’s will and character, we will never ever understand Him. I was originally going to say “at all” on the end, but that contradicts the last sentence I wrote, then I thought “completely”, but that’s just so obvious and didn’t fit the meaning that I was trying to impart, and then I thought “enough” – well that works. I think that there will always be something new that I want to know about God. Even in Heaven, I don’t think we’ll know much at all about God, we’ll just be completely satisfied that we’re in His incredible presence. Like with Adam and Eve – God didn’t want them to eat from the tree of wisdom and knowledge (Gen 2:17). Ok sorry, getting side-tracked – something I can talk about later… Ok but I was really encouraged to dedicate my life to worshipping and praising God through every situation. So yeh, I still need more time to dwell (ha! the conference was called Dwell) on that stuff before I can discuss it further.
Chris is brill – he drove me all the way home! Wow! I don’t think anyone’s done that for me for a very very very long time. Thankyou Chris – and good on you for finding your way home (right, left, right, left, right…). I’ve been able to deal with it a bit better lately, but man I got so upset sometimes by the fact that I live so far away and noone comes to visit me (except my beautiful Maryanne who is an absolute champ! She made me a cake coz it was Thanksgiving Day… Felt so loved! oh and matt stano when he came to have a jam a few weeks ago - i like jamming...). I always seem to be at other people’s houses – don’t get me wrong, coz I am fully appreciative that I have such loving friends who allow me into their lives and their homes and look after me – I just wish I could do the same in return. Like a few weeks ago we’d organised to have a home group gathering at my house, and a handful of people came. It was a great night of much shenaniganising, but it just hurt that people don’t wanna come to my place coz I guess they have better stuff to do with their lives. Rrrrrrrr it makes me angry sometimes, coz maybe people don’t get it that maybe it’s out of my way to come to davidson and they just except me to get there and hang out for an hour and then go home again. Frustrating that sometimes I spend more time driving then hanging out. But yeh… where was I? Hmmm oh yeh. Chris is tops – true quality. Great company, great music, great God, great joy…

So my house is looking quite shocking at the moment. It was a mission just to get inside, coz the entranceway (which is now concreted and existant, instead of the freaky hole that was there for a fortnight or so) is now covered in poles and timber and beams and other precarious obstacles. The only way in is across a wobbly little plank of wood and dodging foundational structures and squeezing in through the front door. What an adventure! So I finally got in and had some dinner and watched a bit of “Little Women” and decided that I love those kind of English movies, but you have to watch from the very beginning or it isn’t as inspiring. Hmmm and then sleep…

Alarm went off at 7:30am. Grumble grumble, then “Oh yeh, good morning God!”. And what a good morning it was – seriously the sky was so clear and everything seemed so fresh. I was ready! I don’t know what for, but something was brewing…
On the way to Chris’s place, I realised I didn’t actually know how to get there. So while reading my street directry, I succeeding in a much embarrassing “thud!” as I carreered into a gutter. Hmmm tsk tsk. Naughty Lauren. Car’s fine (I think). Much embarrassment. I didn’t intend on telling anyone, but I ended up laughing about it with Chris, and now I’m writing it in my blog – I don’t know why, I guess it’s that whole honesty thing that I’m going through. Yeh… everybody knows that I’m a TR (terribly reckless – my number plate) driver anyway, so I may as well join in on the ‘shaking head at lauren’ phase. So I met Chris’s gorgeous dog and he took us on a scenic route through the wilderness, which I enjoyed. Nature is good.

Wow just found that I’m only on point 9 of my list, so I should probably get my skates on…

Ok so next session of the Dayspring conference and man I loved the worship. There was this gorgeous violin playing with the band throughout the conference, and it really made me realise that I missed having some extra instrument in our worship bands at church. It all faded away a few years ago. We used to have saxes, horns, flutes, etc and it’s all stopped. Why? We had such a good thing going. Chris decided that he’s gonna ask Gwin Swan to play violin in worship sometime perhaps. Sounds good. So keeping on going now, Scott Ezzy had a bit of a talk. He really does get excited! It’s contagious I think. I think it must be Jesus’ joy breaking loose and making His presence known. It was really good to be reminded what worship is all about. And everything else doesn’t matter. Just praise God! And have fun doing it. As Scezzy would say “I like that!”

Session 3: Andrew Naylor again – talking about change and freedom. A muchly challenging and insightful discussion. I like knowing that love and truth are always available from God. And I’m encouraged to adjust things in my life so that I can keep progressing with God. I want to be a flagbearer of hope, not a stature of pride. And I wanna start reading Dr Suess books – I love hidden messages and morals in kids books.

Lunch time was adventurous. Someone had mentioned about there being a Subway place up the road a bit, so Chris and I went looking. And looking. And looking. And eventually we found it – “the last place we looked” (ha! yay Chris). Well after making a dork of myself and accidentally tipping coke all over Chris (in the most likely of all places) and eating excessively and almost embarrassingly slowly, we headed back talking of animal injuries and deaths. I think that’s something I love about chats with Chris – you can talk about anything and it’s always fulfilling. Yay for him not being stroppy about my clumsy annoyingness of coke tippage and uncomfortable circumstances.

Session 4 with David Crabtree – Pastoring Worship. So true: WORSHIP IS IMPOSSIBLE WITHOUT THE SPIRIT. Sure we can stand there and raise our hands, sing out and all, but if we aren’t actually engaging with Jesus, something’s wrong. Funny analogy was that we need to “slobber all over God”, like a dog does to his master. Hmmm that’s cool. And I like knowing that God isn’t offended when we make mistakes in our worship.

Session 5: Scott Ezzy and the band. Practical stuff all to do with consistency and timing. I enjoyed. I laughed. Much funnies. Good stuff. Challenging though – I’m excited for God to take over my worship, so that His Spirit is completely leading.

The bass player from soul survivor (who I can’t remember his name ahh! Help me Chris. Something like David… nope, it’s gone) asked Chris and I to join him and some of his friends for dinner at a restaurant in Kellyville. Felt very included and accepted. And it turned out so good coz we went to the Mean Fiddler, which I was kinda thinking how cool it would be if we went there. When I saw the sign, oh yeah baby! Bit disappointed that we didn’t get served like Nic had described all those years ago that made me want to go so much, but man I just loved the culture of the whole complex. Can’t wait to go to Ireland one day, and find some long lost relo. After eating too much for dinner, we went off and played some snooker. Not very good. I miss my snooker table. I have lost so many skills, I was shocked. What’s going on. I even sunk the black ball for the other team in the end. Aww man! Shocker…

Yay back to Dayspring for final session. T’was the worship and ministry time. Ohh man the Lord filled that place so completely!!! God rocks! I really mean that – He had everything completely and utterly in His hands. It was weird at first, but after a few people getting really touched by the prophetic stuff, I loved it. there’s no denying that the Lord God almighty reigns! Oh man, and after dancing and moshing at the end, I just couldn’t contain the joy of the Lord. Man yeh! How AWESOME Is God!!! Ahhwooo!

Had such a good chat with Chris about everything. I loved it. So encouraging. I love Chris chats. We just sat there in his car till midnight talking and talking and it was brill, snaz even. Talking is definitely one of the greatest gifts that God has blessed us with.

Made a by-pass driving home, and went down to my bay and just sat there on the sand, watching the boats rock back and forth. The water was so nice. And the stars were so bright. I love God chats too. Whenever I go down to the bay I remember stuff about Muffy. And especially coz I was talking to Chris about her today, it really brought it all back. And it’s ok. I’ll always remember her and the silly habits she had and the times that I would tell her everything. But I feel like God filled that hole last night. That pit of despair is closed up and now I can only smile about those memories. I love the healing that God brings at the most unexpected times. God is good. Praise the Lord!

Woke up th’smorn at 6:30am and couldn’t get back to sleep. Lying there thinking how blessed I am and how much God loves me and wants to be my counsellor. Bring it on! That’s really all I can say. I just feel like “yeh! Let’s go!” And then my trail of thought led me to ponder what it would be like to be attacked by a shark and have to get a prosthetic leg. Maybe it would be still be ok to lose an arm or a leg. God still loves you, and He still has plans for you, and in the end it doesn’t matter. I think it would help me to appreciate the real blessings I have in life more than I do currently. Hmmm in the shower I pretended I was a pastor. One day I want to do a sermon on Jesus love. It excited me so much that I feel like I might burst.

I sit here and type all the things that are going on inside my head (which I find is extraordinarily satisfying, coz it’s like a sort of debrief), and then I think to myself “oh man, I should get outside and live”. But no, I like sitting here at my desk with the morning sun warming my body and causing the water outside to sparkle and shine. I like watching the boats shoot past and I like listening to fine music and knowing that I can go downstairs and eat til heart’s content. Hmmm, sounds good, shall do… I’m off for a 12pm breaky… and then I’ll do my maths assignment that’s due tomorrow. Shall the Lord pull through again? Well I’m counting on it… Not like testing God, but more of an assurity that God will get me out of predicaments that i can't handle. God is the best!
Wow, this post POST took longer to write then intended - total of 4 A4 microsoft word pages, which you could say is impressive, but also very irritating for people who like short stories...

man i love how just lately when looking for verses God has just found me the greatest, snazziest, most appropriate passages. it definitely aint from me. no way. i am completely unskilled at remembering inspirational and helpful verses. for example, i found the book of nahum the other day, which i had really needed nahum 1:7. and yesterday and the day before the Lord kept putting on my heart that verse "I can do all things through He who strengthens me" (phil 4:13), which i just found when looking (well flicking is more like it) for a scripture verse to put in an email (i had n idea where it was in my bible or anything). then turned the page and there was phil 4:19 & 23.
Phillipians is great (pity it was written by paul). God is just so incredible, faithful, vibrant and humourous. i bet He's us there giggling away at our silly little issues...
"To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen." (phil 4:20)

sadness that i couldn't go see the idea of north at the basement tonight. to supplement the emptiness, i been listening to all nic's TION cd's. ah, but they're so snazzy live. i sometimes wish i could be a member of TION. andrew is truly brill. i don't know how he does all that bass/percussion sounds (i guess you could almost call it beatboxing, but no! it's so much more skilled than that). ah God really does equip people with the most amazing and interesting talents... "Sweet Holy Spirit, Lord won't You please fill us with Your love".

hmmmm, that reminds me - matt signed the note on the piano in the church telling people not to move the sign saying not to move the sign that says not to move that piano as H.Spirit the other day. ok, so if you can get past the confusion of too many pieces of paper (which will probably only be slightly amusing for those who were there) - what do people think? i don't wanna sound like a dibber-dobber or goody-goody or whatever, but he forged the Almighty's name!!! straight to hell for matt! (ok dont anyone get upset with that comment, i was quoting some movie)...

i love my poor mother dear. just got another tick off her. it was behind her ear. painful...

ok, enough's enough. i truly must be off to do this assignment... NOW!

it's amazing how there's been so many situations i've had to deal with of late that someone else has been going through too. the thing that makes it so personal and individual is how i've reacted to stuff. i'm impressed at how God works things the way He does. God is the snaz master! incredible...
tomorrow night and all day saturday i get to have fun YAY! chris and i are going to this worship leading conference at Dayspring church (yes! i figured out how to register). much excitement! i'm still very unsure of what God wants me to do about worship leading, but i figure i better go, since the opportunity's there. problem though: since i'm out all saturday, dad's being stroppy and i aint allowed to go to church on sunday, which kinda sucks coz i was looking forward to Ernie's kindness project of visiting Glenaeon Retirement Village and hangin out with the oldies. dam... hope i don't get in trouble from tom or kaye. i couldn't make it to the leader's meeting this week either. i'm so slack. i don't think i make a very good youth leader. don't get me wrong - i absolutely love the kids and i love serving Jesus. i just aint very good at it. hmmmm...

t'was on the sidebar of my hotmail account. why does he not have trousers on? sure, if there was some funny punchline with a great pun, but no...

ahh man i'm so slow... sitting here, clicking the same link over and over again to register for this worship leading conference that chris ives and i are going to on friday and saturday, and it turns out that all i needed to do was scroll down. hmmmm another blonde moment for lauren. much funnies...
one day i'm going to get my own bank card. yes, that would be a smart thing to do. i feel so stupid asking for dad's. and man i hate being broke. in some ways it's good, coz it means i don't spend money on me. but man it can just be annoying. my car just chews up everything. ah, one day i might actually get a proper job, but for the moment i can't coz of hsc and way too many other commitments. i'd like to get a real job one day. accounting will be fun hopefully. after hsc i'll go work in a bank, then probably go to uni and study financial accounting and then do some work experience during that time and eventually get the degree or whatever and go find a job as a bona fide accountant, where i can have my own little desk and computer and phone and funny boss who lets me have a bonus at the end of each week (ha!) and that's about it... sounds easy enough, but no. much work involved. maybe i should make one of those goal plans (like that new chick on mccleod's daughters). no, too planned. i love living with no real plan. i don't want to be tied down so much that i won't ever be able to travel one day when i get around to it (probably to england - seems the popular thing to do...)
i think i might work out how register tomorrow when i'm not half asleep... no, i probably should just do it now, and then it's done and i wont have any excuse tomorrow to stop me from doing my biology assignment...
God is so good! i could really elaborate on that, but i won't. He just is. no matter how you look at it, you can't deny it. sure, there are some true toughies (man do i know it), but there will always be those beautiful moments when you can just sit back and go "yeh, He's awesome"...
nic and kaz (sisters) were baggin me out th'sarvo about how i always say "awesome". well i'm glad it's a word like awesome, rather than some incriminating or hurtful or inappropriate profanity. but it's true - i do say it alot hey. talking to chris on the phone tonight and i counted four "awesome"s. hmmmm, maybe i should think up some awesome word with similar meaning to awesome, but different to awesome.
how about astounding - mmmm, that could sound rather brittish.
fascinating - yeh, too sherlock holmes-ish.
marvellous - cricket commentary.
splendid - brittish again...
maybe it'll have to be something really ocker like snaz...
ok so snaz is the word of the moment. i'll give it a go tomorrow at school. no today...
just to recap what i was saying - God is snaz... does that work? doesn't have the same ring to it - makes him sound like a cheap plastic whistle you could pick up from the 2 dollar shop. ok so i'll have to work on it...
and i've decided that elipses (these -> ... <- things) are snaz too... and heaters...

for that moment just before i popped one in my mouth, i thought to myself "hmmm, these lollies look interesting". and then on tasting it, i realised that they are ginger flavoured... [shudder]

i'm feeling rather emotionally tired and drained as over the last week or so, i have been dwelling in an emotional little world. not a bad place, just very tiring for someone who's not so used to it. not that i'm usually emotionless, just that i normally don't ponder my feelings quite that full-on. but it's been a great learning experience. i know so much more about myself and God's helped me break down so many barriers and i've been able to share so much with people, and the best part is: so many people have opened up to me too. i feel so special, surrounded by people that actually like me. that's so exciting! i haven't ever felt this included, needed, necessary, loved, useful, supported and supportive. although my head's reeling at 1000km/hr, it's been such a long time since my heart has been this joyful, peaceful and fulfilled. Praise the Lord!
got an exciting sms from Chris Fish saying he got his p's. yay for him! having your p's is good fun. i'll prolly still have to drive him round though coz he doesn't have a car. oh well.
driving home from the alpha coarse praying that i wouldn't get pulled over (coz i'd have a ruski) was such a waste of a good car trip, coz i love having conversations with the Lord while driving. it's our own little space, where noone else can hear and see and judge the kind of intimate details and intersessions that i like to talk about with Jesus. so my whole trip home was stupid coz i was just praying and praying that a cop wouldn't be around the next corner. He still answered my prayers, but i feel so stupid for wasting His time and energy on such a selfish and pathetic thing...
ahh, i gotta stop reading blogs and get on with assignments! i wish there was some way i could keep myself from reading/writing blogs. they're way too interesting, time-consuming and fun...

yucko huh?! gotta do an assignment on diseases - which i chose neurofibromatosis and tuberculosis. so isn't it nice to know that over the next week i get to indulge in such pictures. hmmmm, i think i may throw up...

SOPA actually went OK last night. Through all the stress of having 3 performances one-after-the-other, I managed to pull it off. The main concern was the changing of clothes and the limited time to moisten my mouth/throat with some lovely, cool, refreshing, invigorating water. Trumpeting, singing, then trumpeting again has turned out to be a not-so-good combination. But I did it and it’s over and I’ll probably never have to do it again. Actually the only performances that I was satisfied with were the fanfare at the beginning of the show and my solo singing piece. I remember all the words YAY! I conquered that goal. Although I was shaky at the end, I felt good about the rest of the performance, so yay for God pulling me through coz I knew I couldn’t do it without him.
This week has been quite reliant and conversive with God I must say. How good! I love those times where you just know that you’re loved and you mean something to someone. I love the reassurance of Jesus. I love the way He brings special people into your life just when you feel alone, and I love the way that He lets relationships unfold at unexpected times. I love the way He answers prayers in a completely different way then you intended. I love the way He carries us through the toughies, and I love the way He knows just how to reveal to us things in a way that we will react best to them. Our God is the greatest!

We give Him thanks and sing Him praises at the gates of the Lord’s dwelling. (2 chronicles 31:2)

And now I’m off to have breaky…

Don’t you hate it when people wake you up earlier than necessary…
I need to remember that “I’m the fly hovering above the crap” (yay rach!). This way, when I stuff up in sopa, it wont be do devastating. Everyone expects great things from me. Please don’t! I don’t even remember the words. Last night I forgot them in the stage band piece – just had to scat my way out of it. Supposedly people didn’t notice – YEAH RIGHT! I’m so scared about tonight actually. The only consolation I can give to myself is that no matter how well I sing or how many words I forget or how disappointed I feel about the performances, the Lord will always love me and I can’t do anything to change that. Corny I know, but also very reassuring.
The teachers dance was quite funny I must say – “the old folks boogie”. Mr peade was his usual weird floppy self, but I reckon mr zwain made it great – flipped some other teacher over and started break dancing. I reckon it would be cool to learn to break dance, but then again, that’s like if rach learnt to kick box (or whatever it was that she was thinking about doing coz I just can’t remember…), coz it would be a right old laugh at my unco-ness…
The change rooms and holding areas at glen street theatre have been absolutely covered in uggboots over the last few days. I’m impressed – this phase has lasted over a year now. I decided to join in the craze today and wear my uggies, but it turns out to be raining and so I shan’t conform today. How gross would soggy, mouldy uggies be?
I have also decided that I am extremely grateful to be a youth leader. Conversations with some of the youth from our church over the past few days have been awesome. I really don’t think I was ever very cool to hang out with when I was their age now that I have been thinking about it. I wish I had someone friendly to talk to a few years ago. I guess people just thought I was the annoying kid, and I probably had lots of dnm’s with nic… But you know, the only thing that can be learnt by me from this revelation is how I can be a friend and support for others. And I get to hang out with truly wonderful and inspirational people at the same time, so goodo…
Hannah is lovely and very talented – I have to say it again – Hannah, your facials in “Colliculus” were superb!
Luke is insightful and encouraging – thankyou!
Jodie has the greatest smile I’ve ever seen! (actually it’s a toss up between her and Phil Swan)

yes...

my favourite words over the last few days have included cynical, sceptic, expectations, perspective and consolation; all of which i am yet to fully understand and comprehend the depth of their meanings...
i had some "lauren time" today: in my frustrated state of mind i decided i needed a break from routine and so i ventured down to 'Mony' on my way home from SOPA (Season of Performing Arts) rehearsals. i really enjoyed myself leaping and slipping gracefully around the rock pools, playing in the sand, singing to the Almighty (why did i find it weird saying "God" just then?). a little boy and his daddy came and joined me wandering around the water and i soon found that the toddler had quite an attachment to me. it was fun. i showed him many a starfish (properly called 'seastar'), sea slug and sea anemone. how randomly wonderful. i love kids. the funny thing is, his daddy was cool about it all and almost encouraged him to follow me. but then the little fellow started following me back to my car and i got worried and so i had to teach him "goodbye". oneday i'll be able to take my little man down to the rock pools and go on adventures and learn about interesting creatures that God affectionately and amazingly created.
beck and matt are going out! wow for that! actually i hate it how the thing that everyone asks everyone else is "what do you think about blah blah?" and then you have to come up with your own judgement (well almost) on that topic. so, "I think that's all I have to say" about that...
today there are so many things i wish i could write, but i can't because this blog definitely aint private. i might make my own private blog perhaps. luke had the right idea...
also talking with luke today, the subject of 'lint' came up. do other people get naval lint? or is it just my random shaped belly-button with a moley on top?...
it's days like today that i miss Muffin the most. i used to tell her everything, but now i only have a computer. i'd trade all technology to have her back. in a year or so i shall look back and see how pathetic i am by the fact that i can't let go of my dead dog. is that weird? should i stop, give up, "get over it"? but i think i don't want to ever stop missing her. i remember talking to tom last year about animals not going to heaven, and although it sounds so juvenile, i get so upset...

OK, so I couldn’t restrain myself from blogging, and there’s no resolution to previous discussions, just more dilemmas…

Rather a controversial topic actually: Should girls lead ministry?

During my quiet time today, asking God to speak to me through his word about what he wants me to do with the recent offer of leading worship, he opened me to a page that made me recoil:
“As in all the congregations of the saints, women should remain silent in the churches. They are not allowed to speak, but must be in submission, as the Law says. If they want to inquire about something, they should ask their own husbands at home; for it is disgraceful for a woman to speak in the church.” (1 Corinthians 14:34-35)
I had quite a fatty mope that about why I had to be created as a girl, and why couldn’t God have made me a guy?! Maybe that’s why I was ultra perky at the youth meeting tonight. Maybe I just wanted to feel like I was “allowed to speak”, just to be ‘rebellious’ or ‘test the water’ or something along those lines. I had a chat to Sally Irwin about the verses and she’s gonna lend me some book that’s probably gonna tell me about how special girls are and how the Lord made us different to guys because blah blah and that kind of crap. Yes, I am extremely sceptical about this kind of “but you are unique and, and, and…” stuff.
Nic has always told me that I’ll never be allowed to lead worship coz I’m a girl. And so I’ve talked to Mel Hatton a few time about it over the past year or 2, coz she used to lead worship.
I think I’m coming to the conclusion that Paul was f’n p’d off (I wonder what tom would say to that?) at his wife at the time that he wrote these passages. But then I ask, why would God want to include that hurtful information in his precious bible? Surely the Lord hasn’t been training me up my whole life just to have my hopes and aspirations squashed with 2 verses?…

on meeting ryan, he said in his blog that i "was totally different to what [he] expected". so this makes me wonder what people expect from me? am i so different in my blogs to 'reality'? that's weird because i am me all the time - i'v been through the whole 'masked' or 'hidden' phase (i dunno what to call it), but i decided that i didnt like it there. so i'm me, Lauren/Lozza/Looza/Laurie/Loz/Poz/whatever you wanna call me, i'm still the same person right.
or was it a physical expectation? should i be prettier, fatter, thinner (which would probably be unhealthy), taller, shorter, more fashionable, daintier, i dunno... what do people expect me to be?
i thought i fit the role of annoying yr 12 student pretty well. ok so i may try to be intelligent or insightful at times but hey, doesnt everyone. the funny thing is that with most other peoples posts i have to whip out my dictionary to just understand what all the fancy words mean. or i cheat by using the thesorus on microsoft word. is that weird? i think so. there you go, lauren's secrets revealed.
this post is sounding really stupid. but hey, here it all is - unedited. there's another revelation - i read over my posts and edit them coz i get scared what people will think about my non-sensicle grammar and structural incapabilities. how pathetic am i. there you go, i aint editing this post and you can see just how sporatic and jumpy my mind is.
why am i angry and upset now?
man, ok now i can see why people get the wrong perseption of me. i really do have so many stupid little things i do that i try to keep consealed (there you go, i was about to say hidden, but i thought consealed sounded more intelligent). doesn't everyone though? people want others to think highly of them, so they say things that make them appear better than their 'real self'.
i dont want to post this anymore, but i will because i hate the way that i try to conceal the fact that i'm hiding me.
people dont know what's going on in my head right now. actually i dont really know anymore either. but i dont know what's really going on in anyone else's head either. i think i'm going through a state of confusion. my prayers for the last while have been just asking for help to see clearer what i'm meant to be doing. what should i do right now in my life? what should i aim for? who should i hang out with? yes and the fact that i dont know who i like more than that... there you go. that's me. i have no idea. there are no answers. there is hope, but nothing definite because everything is f'd. and i guess now if certain people read this post (which highly likely) their perspective and "expectations" of me will be completely changed...

I am currently sitting on my heater coz my butt’s frozen. There’s a Paul Jenning’s story that I read many a year ago about this pair of heated nickers that made you smarter or something. Funny that.
Harry potato-head 3 was good fun. I got to meet and hang out with all my blog buddies! YAY! On the train back there was a random drunk guy hitting on poor David. When we got off he did too and fell over and his legs went down the side of the train and we all stressed, but he got out and stumbled away. And then on the way home Helen got pulled over by the cops. Supposedly we looked a bit suss, so Helen got breathalysed and asked a bunch of pointless questions. Silly policewoman.
Yesterday was great fun. Tanya, Rach, Nic, Kaz, Janine (my 3 sisters), Steve (Janine’s husband), Cameron (Steve’s friend) and I adventured all the way to mount white to “Pete’s paintball” and ran around shooting people with gelatine and paint. We got all dressed up in commando gear which ended up not to be very waterproof or paint proof. And the instructor guy was trying to pick up Rach and I, which was kinda good in a way coz he gave us free paintballs. I wasn’t very good, but it was a lot of fun. I got hit a few times (one smack bang in my face which was funny – don’t stress, we were wearing masks) but I ain’t really got any bruises to show for it, just a few pink spots. Actually half the adventure came with Tanya, Rach and I driving along dirt roads and puddles. we decided that we’re going on a holiday after my exams YAY! – probably my grandparents place in Kingscliff (think gold coast).
Last night was EBN (Ernie’s big night) with St Stephens youth which was a laugh and a half. Actually I kinda enjoyed myself being antisocial and just packing up stuff. I haven’t had a proper “Lauren time” for quite a while now, and I probably wont for a while. I haven’t had a proper sleep for a while either. hmmm…
Davidson High’s Season of Performing Arts (SOPA) starts next Wednesday night and I’m starting to get a bit nervous now as Thursday night I’m singing for stage band and Friday night I’m singing solo ahhh! I gotta write out a sax v’s scat melody for the stage band piece and yeh, I aint that good at scat so it’s gonna be a stress. But hey!
More exciting news ~ I somehow managed to get my phone credit to $0.01. I just thought that was pretty cool…
Ok now my butt is burning so I’m off…

I’ve decided that John Mayer’s newer album “heavier things” definitely isn’t his best. Sure there are some good songs, but man i expected much more – the album title is rather misleading… I expected ‘bigger and better things’ from “heavier things”…
I’ve found that every time I come home, I get all excited to see what new stuff the builders have done. Today’s efforts include concreting, bricking, plumbing, digging, marking, structural beaming, blah blah blah. Good on my builders (yes they are mine, I own them). Actually, they’re really nice. I used to go to primary school with one of em – carl pymble - which is kinda funny. The best thing though, is the fact that I haven’t seen any ‘plumber’s crack’ yet – let’s keep it that way…
My hsc music pieces are all coming together now. had a practise with matt on monday night, oberg on monday and tomorrow, stageband today and tomorrow, and chris on monday. i feel much better about it. i just have to write up a sax v's scat solo so that they fit together in the ad lib section of the stageband piece. and i'm so glad i'm not doin a trumpet solo for my exams - it's taken me over 10 years to work out that i officially suck... :(
Going to harry potato-head tonight. It took much convincing for my mum to allow it coz it’s a school night and all. She kinda actually had no choice in the matter (oops), as I’d already got the ticket and all (yay for tom’s brilliance). Anyway, “I’m excited!” (just imagine that was in a Big Kev voice). It’s bound to be a latey – movie starts at 9:30pm and taking in consideration that we’re going to the city and I live in bayview, I shan’t be home til the wee hours of the morn (that was me sounding either posh or scottish)...

Why would people say “stay away from the light”? Surely they can’t be christians! If we believe Jesus is the light (John 1:4-5), then we should have our sights set on him and his radiance. He beckons us to come out of the darkness, and step into his light, so that his love can shine through us. Death is only a scary thing for those who aren’t ready (not that I’m all for dying – somedays I just know that if Jesus came right then, I would not particularly be ready). Non-christians are afraid of death because they think that that’s it – nothing more. We, as christians, need not be fearful of death as we know that we have the promise of Heaven. Also, the fact that we are already died to our human selves (Romans 6:8) may help. But i'm fearful of what will happen to my non-christian frinds (Revelation 20:15). And sure, I’m afraid of the pain associated with dying, but I’m also excited. When I see the light of the Lord, I’ll be piss-bolting to the end of that tunnel…

"Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?"
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ. Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain. (1 Corinthians 15:55-58)

Well the poor bandicoot that lives on my property would surely have run away after today’s major amount of jackhammering and concrete pouring and other bazaar noises. Oooh, it feels good to still be able to say property (I used to live on 5 acres, but now it’s just 1 – which I roughly class as worthy of the label “property”). So anyone coming past Bayview, beware of enraged homeless animals…
Tonight I’m going into the city to see a play with my English class. Boring… nah, I dunno. Reading the play was pretty funny, so hopefully it may rise above my current negative expectation of it being a flop. But it’ll be fun going to the city. I like the city. I don’t think I could ever move away from civilisation. People always say I’m like Nic, and I’ll end up being a farmer, but I’m not as yokel as her. It’s weird, coz I can’t see that many similarities between me and any of my sisters, while other people can just go “hey, you look like your sister” or “oh my gosh, you just sounded like Nic”. Supposedly Nic and I laugh the same – not sure whether that’s a good or bad thing…

Just reading through the first lesson in a purpose driven life again, and although some things in that book just don’t appeal to me, I really like the quote “It is only in God that we discover our origin, our identity, our purpose, our significance and our destiny” - Rick Warren.
Ephesians 1:11-12 – “Long before we first heard of Christ and got our hopes up, he had his eye on us, had designs on us for glorious living.”

Ahhh, my “favourites” column edited itself to include adult sites! I did not put them there! Feral!!..
Woke up at 7am th’smornin to the sound of yelling, laughter and jack hammers (my house is vibrating as i write this blog). At one point in my waking state, the builders were laughing so much that one of them coughed up a phlegmy hair ball and spat it somewhere on my non-existent lawn. This set off a bout of groans of disgust and then more laughter. not particularly what i wanted to hear…
I didn’t feel like getting up just yet coz it’s my day off, so I stayed in bed pondering. I wondered what my future grandchildren will call me?
My 2 grandmother’s names are gran and nanny (nan for short), but I think my sister’s may have already shot-gunned these
Granma – too common,
Granny – too common,
Gramps (if I was a bloke I’d opt for this one, so that when teenagers are abusing me for Sunday driving I will know who they’re talking to…),
Nonna (the Greek version)
Obaasan (Japanese version)
I can’t decide… oh well, I got plenty of time…
Why are there such cool words for things that don’t last? Fav word for the mo = dissipate (replacing evanesce)

Bamboo bamboo (yep, I just watched some veggietales)

ok today's experience of arriving home was rather scary. the proper work of building my new kitchen started up today. well my dad's been digging it out with our backhoe (tractor for those non-farmish people) for the last week to get it ready, so it really started a week ago. been having to park the cars down the road. i couldn't get in the front door coz they've smashed down the path so there's just a fat gap and hole now - it had kind of been this concrete suspended footpath before. i'm scared that someone might not realise and fall into the pit. there are all these planks of wood in place now. imagining the octangular kitchen roomy thing has suddenly become alot easier...

breaking news on my msn entertainment pop-up:
Jennifer Lopez marries again! shocker... never ever heard of "nuptials".
i don't get it - "Anthony, the Latin singing sensation, just divorced former Miss Universe Dayanara Torres last week in the Dominican Republic." is it just me, or is that a quick fix? hmmm, what a great move - i'll get divorced from my supermodel wife today, desert my kids again, and marry JLo next week...

After much anticipation and chaos due to internet destitution, and without further ado, I give you today’s post (written at 4pm):

The past few days have been hectic as buggery-bop!
Since last post, way too many exciting things have happened…
Stayed up until 1:30am doing that dam pd assignment. That was not such a cool way to spent the first coupla hours of my adult life (haa – as if I’m an adult!). 7:30am class. Yr 12 watched this funny drama production. Nicked a funny about maturity that I thought was quite relevant since I was now meant to be – actually I can’t remember precisely how this quote went, so it went something along the lines of “you need to start taking responsaibilty of responsibilty”. Well, it was amusing at the time…
Good on my music class and especially Katie for giving me a little surprise party in music class. They even had eleni and chris playing sax for “happy birthday”. True champions. Yummy cake. And laura gave me an “I am 18” badge that I wore all day. Too cool.
Only 2 of our girls turned up to our pajama party dteam (Triple G) in the afternoon. We watched veggietales and statically stuck balloons to the ceiling of the church centre. Looked like a kaleidoscope - too funny.
Went to darling harbour with Karen, Janine and Steve on Fri night to celebrate being 18. Much fun. Great food, great company, great time. Found the drink of the moment to be vodka and red bull – soooo goooood. Came home pretty tipsy haha.
Went speed shopping on sat morning – got jade’s pressie, pair of boots, pair of jeans, and some nice paper all in an hour! Wow!
Jill’s wedding was so beautiful – too beautiful for words. Leech cried – it was that sweet…
Then to beck’s for a surprise do for me. Many funnies had. Thanks beck and our dteam gang. You’re all such champions! Courtney’s cake was sooooo goooood. My whole weekend was sooooo goooood (well except for a few hick-ups, but I shouldn’t delve into that here).
Beck dyed and straightened my hair. So nice of her. Beck’s wonderful.
Jade’s party was funny as. Apart from the fact that Gavin was trying to get onto me the whole night and friends were going off with randoms to do random things that I don’t wanna know about.
Th’smorning I woke up with a bloke. He is pretty hairy and his face is rather amusing. His name is Thomas. I found that he loves to be rubbed under his chin and down his back. Ok, enough dodgy sounding-ness and wasting time: Beck’s cat slept on my bed last night. He kept me so warm. I want a cat now. Cat’s don’t usually like me, but Thomas was great fun. His tongue is so bit rough, it’s like a comb (I realise this is probably to help with his grooming hair-bally-ness). Thomas is so cool…
My grandparents came down from Queensland today to see us and see how the house is going and that. It was so cool to catch up with them again. They coaxed me into serinating them (after much refusal on by yours truly). But now steve and janine have taken them for a drive, so I wont see them again til the end of the year when they come to see our house complete (or I might go up to see them during schoolies, which they don’t know yet). They’re so cool. oh they're the grandparents that swear by the daily dose of cod liver oil - yucko!!!
But now I must dash - I’m off for a reunion band rehearsal and then church after that. And then who knows… nah, I know – I’ll have to come home to nest sometime. Preferably earlier as I have had a total of 20 hrs of sleep in the last 4 days and I have a 7:30am class tomorrow.

…3…
…2…
…1…
*** HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME! I’M FINALLY 18!!! ***

But if that is not enough to satisfy you, here’s some more incredibly random trivia:
 Althaiophobia is a fear of marshmallows.Well the marshmallow monster on that ghost busters movie was pretty lame if you ask me.
 Donald Duck comics were banned in Finland because he doesn’t wear pants.Have to ask my Finish friend Olli about that… what about daffy? Do they clothe all animals in Finland? Do they really shear the sheep to make them little panties? Surely not.
 The first known contraceptive was crocodile dung, used by the Egyptians in 2000 BC.
All I can say is poor, poor women…

All girls out there, did you know that libra has trivia on the packaging? They’re rather amuzing – my favourites at the mo are:
 No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven times.
it’s true. I tried it. but don’t take my word for it, try it for yourself. Hours of enjoyment right there for ya.
 23% of all photocopier faults are caused by people sitting on them and photocoying their butts!
this reminds me of that recent add where the chick is reaching up to get more paper and accidentally hits the copying button. I really disagree with that add – things just aren’t right. For one, the fact that she’s reaching over the copier is to get more paper as the photocopier is out of paper, so my question is: how did it print without having any dam paper? Also I thought the acting was rather poor and lame. The innocent look just didn’t work for me – much too fake. The girl just seemed to linger on that button. She just was asking for trouble. Also having heavy items on the top shelf is quite dangerous, so why were the paper supplies so high up? Ahh I really dislike that add. But I think zeroxed butts are funny, a bit sad, but still funny…

yay for luke freeman joining the blogging world (although he's prolly been on for ages and i just didnt know).
goldstars to him for his intertesting ponderings that communication is all leading towards technology. nw we rely so extensively on technology to talk to eachother, and so when we do talk face to face back in reality, we can't or it is just weird. i agree so much. i sometimes find it easier to talk about deep and meaningful stuff to certain people when on msn, but when i see them in reality i freak out and don't know what to say. all that comes out is a tentitive "hello". and blogs too - i say stuff on my blog that i would generally not talk out loud to people about. maybe that's because people get a choice whether to read it or not, but in person they would just have to sit through it. poor them i say. so yes, technology may be good in this sense as it allows us to tune in or out whenever we please. but what is that saying about our relationships? honestly, i would probably be offended if i knew that someone had started reading this post and decided it was boring halfway through. coz this is me, my thoughts and my life. maybe if i knew that people were just tuning out whenever they felt like it, i would write differently. one-liners perhaps. maybe that's why howie only seems to write one-liners (although yes, you di write that lovel long post the other day howie, that explained your one-liners. but i do love what you said about "More to say doesn’t necessarily mean quality things to say." that made me smile. but back on track now - actually no, it's late and i can't think ofanything more to say so i'll stop while i'm ahead...

What a good little girl I’ve been today – spent all day on school work. I feel quite bummed actually, and man oh man I’m so stiff. I cracked my back so hard just now, probably the worst I’ve ever cracked. I don’t wanna try my neck – my head might fall off! Oh and my toes are so crackable. Wow! I’ve just been sitting at a desk all day, staring at my computer screen. The funny thing is, I’m doin a pd assignment about making a training program for this fat dude that I’ve called Joe Blow. All the while, I’m sitting here getting fat myself. I’m writing some stuff up about him doing this gym work out - and the thing is , I haven’t ever been to a gym. I have no clue what they do in gym. I know there’s weights, but my assignment isn’t about strength, it’s about aerobic fitness and flexibility, so don’t really know what there is in a gym that would improve joe’s aerobic fitness. Stupid fat joe…
In other news, it’s nic’s (my sister – yes nicole shaw – many people at church do not realise this) birthday. I havent got her a prezzie yet. How slack of me. Sounds like a Saturday morning job before Jill’s wedding. Yay for jill getting married. It’s weird thinking that she’ll be a wife (I’ll always remember her as “signorita”) and then she’s moving down to canberra and we’ll never see her again. Well, yeh ok we will see her, but you know what I mean. Jill’s to good for the canberrians! Don’t go Jill! Well fine, go…
How exciting that matt’s gonna play guitar for one of my hsc performances. It took me a while to get off my lazy butt and get all my songs together, but now I have and I’m hopeful. I have the widest variety possible:
“Mists of ruse” by Elixir [Katie Noonan] - for 20th and 21st century (with chris fish on piano)
“You do something to me” by cole porter - for Jazz (with the senior stage band)
“Someone like you” from jakyll and hyde production - for either my core piece or Instrument & it’s repertoire (mrs oberg on piano).
“Message in a bottle” by police [john mayer version] - for either my core piece or Instrument & it’s repertoire (with matt stanton playing acoustic and perhaps even someone playing bongos).
Well that’s my hsc piece list. It’s written now. I can’t change it. That’s it. Caput.

there are actually a few exciting things coming up, but they all seem to be flawed in some way. like it's my birthday on friday, but i'm not allowed a party. it's jade's birthday tomorrow and she's having a party on sat night, but i know everyone will be getting smashed, and even though i will be legally old enough to drink, i don't particularly wanna get back into that scene again. going paintballing on saturday 12th, but that happens to be the same night as ernie's big night, so tanya, rach, my sisters and i will have to leave earlier than planned and wont be able hang out all night. davo concert is coming up soon, but we havent even practised my stage band hsc piece yet, so i'm a bit concerned. also with that concert, i havent been able to make it to the reunion band rehearsal yet so it's not looking so good. the building and renovating of my house has started, but because of all the delays, i will have to move out right in the middle of hsc exams ~ which i'm very scared about. there are plenty of other things, but i dont wanna turn my explaining into complaining so i'll stop now.
went shopping with dad the other night and bought me a b'day pressie - my own fossil watch. it's truly beautiful. all sparkly and shiny. very nice.
just had a catch-up of hannah's blog. she's fun. i wish i was as intellectually stimulating when i was her age. i'm still not as interesting actually. the only problem i have with her blog is that there are no comment links. and her sidebar needs editing. please hannah, get haloscan so i can comment. matt, you're smart ~ help hannah fix up her blog.

I got another 3 days in a row off school. Tuesday (today) is always my day off, Wednesday is another strike and Thursday is a biology excursion to some disease museum (sounds interesting enough). But I have a busy day planned for tomorrow – much PD assignment-ing and jazz composing, not to mention dinner with beck and bible study group.
The rest of yesterday turned out almost ok. I pretty much wanted to crawl into a corner for most of it. I was talking to Nat and she said that I was a bit “snappy th’smorning”. I know I was being poopy and I can see what’s going on, but it’s like I can only watch, while my tongue goes into auto pilot and says stuff out of my control. What’s wrong with me? I just want to shrivel up into a saltana. Then at least I would be of some use – saltanas are tasty and nutritious.
But enough about me. How is the rest of the blogging world? I think I shall go explore and enjoy other people’s blogs now. Yay for you people…